I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
