i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
