I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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