found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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