Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
