if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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