the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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