i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
