i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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