____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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