I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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