you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
