I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
