meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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