I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
