i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
