honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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