She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
