Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
