Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
