Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
