your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
