just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your penis caused this!
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