There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
