You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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