Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
