u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize