If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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