how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
