All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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