hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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