please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize