***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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