mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
