im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
