how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize