the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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