I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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