I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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