You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
