tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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