there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
