is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
