He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
