girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
NoShamevember. You game?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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