I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
