I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
