Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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