Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
