If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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