Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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