I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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