wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
