I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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