just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
