it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
