3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
