She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
