what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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