You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize