mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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