So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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