dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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