I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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