im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
