I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
