Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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