nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
