the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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